New forms of Synesthesia

OK so something weird happened last night and I suddenly became aware of colors for my emotions. The more I think about it the more I think I've always had it...just haven't been aware of it to where I could tell what the colors were and what was causing them. I am an extremely emotional person but I hide my emotions very well. I think this is why I can do that. They are always being released through the colors. Anyway here's a list of the ones I've figured out so far.

Passion - is black spots. The more passionate I am the more spots there are and the bigger the spots are.

Happiness - is orange. If it is a calm happiness is it a deep dark orange. The happier I am the brighter the orange is.

Giddiness - is also orange. But it is extremely bright to neon orange.

Hurt (emotional hurt not physical hurt) - is yellow and it pulses in front of me. The more it hurts the brighter the yellow is and the faster it pulses...when it feels like I'm going to die inside its not yellow anymore...its white...bright blinding white.

Confusion - is many different colors...so many I can't single one color out, it falls in front of me...making it hard to "see"...to think clearly.

Depression - is blue... and it swirls all around me...the more depressed I am the darker the blue...the lightest being a normal blue color and the darkest being navy or black.

Sadness - is also blue* but it is one straight line. just a little sad is a extremely pale blue and very very sad is sky blue.

*depression swirls all around me. Sadness stays in one place

Suicidal feeling - is just black...deep never ending black...it completely surrounds me and never ends...almost like being in a cave or a dark pit but its not a comforting black.

Calm - is pink! It is a pale pink...like...right before dawn kind of pink color, it is also soft and fuzzy like a blanket. It is close to me. It is short lines that move in a circle around my face starting on the right side of my forehead and going all the way around.

Sleepiness - is a cream color and is just there.

Frustration - is a reddish brown color and very ugly, almost like murky water...it also makes it hard to think clearly.

Nervousness - is a clear-ish sort of color...like you are looking through a window.

Excitement - goes from a maroon color to a hot magenta color depending on how excited I am. It is solid. Excitement is far away from my body.

Hyper-ness - is very bright but I'm not sure what color it is yet.

Security - is purple...feeling safe. grey purple is when I'm not feeling very safe...and deep purple is when I'm feeling completely safe

Insecurity - is grey.

Startling fear - is bright red. Like bright bright red and it flashes once.

Those are all the ones I've figured out so far. I also realized last night that I see colors when I think of certain people. I don't think its that I'm seeing colors for people I think is that I'm seeing the color of the emotion they create the most.

example: My friend Kevin is Orange (happiness) and confusion. My friend Laura is Pink (calm) and Purple (security) and so on.

Some of my other feelings also have colors.

My love for one of my friends is a soft buttery yellow it is smooth like water and if feels like the wind. It is comforting.

Last week I also started seeing colors for people voices. I think I always saw them I think I just ever paid attention.

My friend Kevin's (mentioned above) voice is a pale silvery green color. Very pretty.

Evan's voice is a weird pale pink color...'specially when he laughs.

Michael's is a deep purple. Almost black but not quite. It is also smooth and solid...like someone you can count on.

My voice has a color too but I'm not sure what it is. So far I've only figured out its sorta clear...but its shiny...like a metallic maybe.

I've started picking up on singers voices too.

Avril Lavigne is a hot pink color

KJ-52 is purple and very thin

The singer from Suicide Commando is silver, except for the remix of love breeds suicide where his voice is pale blue.

Super Chic(k)'s voice is red

and Alex from Ima Robot is yellow.

I don't think that the colors I see for peoples voices are related to the colors I see for emotions.

Another thing I experienced in the last week was sound - color.

Last couple of days I've been working with my friend Loyal and first we were using a high powered nail gun to make the frames for windows and I would see dark flashes of color like I was closing my eyes really fast when we shot the nails but I wasn't. I didn't think anything of it until yesterday when Loyal and I where working on a car and he was pounding on press pins with chisels. The deeper pitched and louder the hit the darker the color was. Black was the darkest one. There was also a feeling in the back of my head but that could have just been because of the level of the noise

I kinda remember that happening before but never like that to where I could tell...that pronounced.

OK so now that you know all about my recent experiences with synesthesia I'm going to ask some questions...I don't care if I get answer or not but I need to ask them anyway.

My synesthesia seems to be causing problems...I know its not a curse or anything but it gets overwhelming...a lot. Does this happen to anyone else?? And I'm wondering if its getting overwhelming because I haven't completely adjusted to being aware of it yet...will I ever adjust? Also if I concentrate on the colors I get tired. Does that happen to anyone else???

well I think thats all for today...